


Lead Butterflies

by BlackSoulStar



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Coming Out, F/M, I suck at tags, M/M, POV First Person, Trans!Kise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-05 04:31:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10297580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackSoulStar/pseuds/BlackSoulStar
Summary: "I willed the lump in my throat away. It’s Aomine. He is my friend. He is the person I am in love with. He holds my hand, trying to keep me from being nervous. His hand squeezes mine and I feel that little assurance from him“I’m a girl,” I finally announce, shutting my eyes. I feel his hand leave mine and I’m lost in the darkness again. The next thing I know, he is around by my side, his arms holding me in a tight embrace.A story in which Kise is transgender





	

I tug on my shirt a little. I am nervous. I have the usual butterflies in my stomach, but they aren’t cute and fluttering. No. They are made of lead, and I shake with every bat of their wing. I am about to do what I thought was impossible. Because tomorrow, I am going to do something even more impossible.

 

I watch as the man that I love walks into the small burger joint that I had asked him to join me at. He looks a little tired as he walks in. We weren’t dating. Not yet, that is on my to-do list. He looks around the small joint and I lift my hand to let him find me. His dark eyes fall onto me and his face softens as he walks over. I hand him a burger from my plate but he doesn’t touch it. He stares at me. His eyebrows furrowing together.

 

The lead butterflies go into hyper-speed and I am certain I'm going to throw up. I took a sip from my water that is before me.

 

“You sounded nervous on the phone? You okay?” He asks me. His voice is one of the things I loved. He almost had a purr to it. I didn’t want to admit it, but I found it so sexual. It's light and yet so manly. I shake my head. I twist my hands in my lap. I’m sweating. I could feel it on my neck, on my hands, my heart beating fast. His eyes widened and he reaches out to take my hand. I take the outstretched hand into mine. His fingers curled around my hand. He’s so kind. His hands were rough but I loved the way they felt. In contrast, my hands are not rough with callouses from basketball. I get them polished a lot.

 

His hand is comforting to me. I felt like I could be lost at sea but he is the lighthouse, leading me home. I feel like I could walk blindfolded next to him and I know I would be okay as long as I had his hand in mine. I shake the thoughts of confessing from my head. I amn't confessing my love today. That’s later. Today I have a more pressing task at hand.

 

“I don’t know how to say this,” I confess nervously. I willed the lump in my throat away. It’s Aomine. He is my friend. He is the person I am in love with. He holds my hand, trying to keep me from being nervous. His hand squeezes mine and I feel that little assurance from him.

 

His smile is soft as he says, “How about from the beginning,” I shake my head. That is too long.

 

“I’ll get to the beginning,” I push the words out of my mouth. “Aominecchi. Tomorrow I have a TV interview and I’m going to announce something. I wanted to tell you in person before everyone else found out,” Aomine nods his head. He’s so respectful. He looks somewhat happy but it could just be my imagination. Did his eyes just light up? His face stays the same the same expression.

 

Maybe I could just tell him that I love him and deal with the other thing another day. I couldn’t though. I had to let him know. I woke up with the intent to tell him. I will not sidetrack, “Aominecchi. I don’t want to hate you. But I’ve been living a lie. It was about a year ago when I told the truth to myself,” he nods his head again. He gives me an assuring smile. “Aominecchi. I’m trapped,” I speak softly. He moves his hand away, looking confused. I feel like I went blind when his hand is away from mine, like I couldn’t see and I searched for his hand.

 

He reaches out and takes it when he saw that I felt lost without, “What do you mean you’re trapped? Are you in danger?” he asks his voice getting serious. I shake my head.

 

“I’m not in danger. Aominechhi,” I feel like I am on a roller coaster, slowly riding to the top. I am teetering on the edge before the cart fell and plummeted down. I'm teetering on the edge, just about to plummet down.

 

“I’m a girl,” I finally announce, shutting my eyes as the cart plummets down. I feel his hand leave mine and I’m lost in the darkness again. The next thing I know, he is around by my side, his arms holding me in a tight embrace.

 

“Don’t cry,” he mutters into my ear. I didn’t realised that I was until I touch my cheek and found it wet. I am sobbing. A tanned hand wiped away my tears and I stare at him. He’s smiling at me gently. One of his hand strokes my arm and I feel soothed by his touch.

 

“So...you’re a girl trapped in a boy's body?” he asks. I nod my head. Aomine smiles at me, his arms tightening around me. I knew he was never good at making someone feel better and yet I feel so safe in his arms.

 

“That’s right,” my voice breaks with my sob. I feel so stupid and lame. I shake as I reach into my pocket and go onto my photo album. The photos are protected by a password. It’s labeled,  _ ‘snapshots for work’  _ No one would want to look at these photos, keeping me safe. I do my passcode which is ‘iamnotwhoiappeartobe’ I didn’t want anyone to look at these photos. I gave my phone over and allow Aomine to look at my deep secrets.

 

The photos are me, being me. Me in a dress. I had a wig on in most of them. I also had makeup on. I am apparently really good at makeup. Me in heels. Aomine scrolls through my photos silently. He still has his arms wrapped around me. He looks blank as he looks at some photos. He looks at one of them with deep concentration. It is me in a swimsuit. I was in by bedroom. I had a rack.

 

“Erm...Kise? Where is it?” he asks staring at the photo intently. It’s the first words he has spoken. I turn to face him. He’s blushing. I feel my cheeks go a little red as well.

 

“Tucked and taped,” I say briefly not wanting to explain myself fully. My answer satisfies Aomine, who nods and scrolls onto the next photo. There are some with my older sisters. We were all dressed up in short dresses, going on a night out.

 

“Your family know then?”

 

“Yes. We were going out dancing,” Aomine locks my phone and hands it back to me and then looks at me, his dark blue eyes boring into my golden ones.

 

“Thank you for telling me,” he smiles softly. I smile back at him.

 

“Take me home. I want to see you,” he says softly into my ear. I nod. The lead butterflies are slowly dying off but there are still some there definitely. Aomine grabs the burgers and tosses them into his bag he has with him and he leads me out of the burger joint. He has a motorbike parked outside. He jumps onto it and looks back at me. I swing my leg around pressing my chest against his back. I have never been on his bike. I knew he had it, I just never rode on it with him. The butterflies are back.

 

He hands me a helmet which I pop on and he starts the motorbike and we take off to Kanagawa where I live. I‘m clutching onto him as we drive home, “I don’t know if this is inappropriate,” I hear coming from my helmet. It sounds like, he’s in my head. “But you look smoking hot as a girl. I mean I’d tap that,” I could hear the smile in his voice. My cheeks flush more. The man I love is saying that I look hot. My cheeks burn.

 

“That probably is inappropriate, but it makes me happy,” I admit. The words seemed to escape my mouth before I knew that they were escaping my mouth. I feel happy. God, I am so happy. He thought I am hot!

 

I tell him about when I was younger, I played with my sisters. I played dolls and dress up and I loved it. They loved it. When I got older, I still had this love for dolls and dress up and for boys. At first, I thought I was gay. I thought I was gay. I tell him about my first crush minus the name. He is my first crush. I tellAomine how he made my heart beat fast and how I got nervous around him. I told him how I had fallen in love with him. And at night I would cry because he wasn’t gay. He was so straight. And I hated it. I hated me.

 

Modeling was something that I loved, and I loved when they put makeup on me. Because then it was the only time it was deemed appropriate for a man to wear makeup. But then I loved it. I went home and I tried to contour - which I failed at. Kana, my sister came into the room, laughed, wiped my face off and did it again from scratch, helping me learn how to apply makeup. 

 

It was a year later, when I was watching a documentary with my family, my dad being away, and it was about being transgender, as I watched it this girl said how she had loved makeup when she was younger and dolls but she felt off. She thought she was gay because she loved guys but then she knew. She did football and hated it. She hated her genitalia. And she said it was because she was born in the wrong body, that she was a girl and I cried. I had finally found what was wrong. I wasn’t meant to be a boy, I was supposed to be a girl.

 

When my mother asked me what's wrong, I pointed to the girl and said I was like her, that I was born in the wrong body. She cried too and hugged me, apologising for making me wrong. I cried harder when my mother apologised. It wasn’t her fault. I told my sisters afterward and they were happy. When my dad came home, I told him too. I am only female in the house. I went to school dressed like a boy. But the issue is that I loved basketball. I loved my team. I didn’t want to move teams. I loved playing with them. I loved playing against other men.

 

We finally arrive at my house and we walk inside, Aomine listened attentively as I spoke. He didn’t ask any questions and just let me speak. My house is empty, everyone is at work. I lead Aomine into my bedroom and he takes a seat on my bed. My bed has purple covers on it. I like that colour a lot. The walls are grey and white. Aomine hasn’t been to my house since middle school and is looking at the changes. I have a picture of me modeling as a guy. There’s also another model picture of me as a female. It was published but under another name. It was just the one time. I looked so good in it. I was holding this guys arm and he was laughing and smiling at me. I was smiling as well. He didn’t know that I was male. 

 

Aomine lies on his back on my bed and at this moment in time, I want to jump him, to press my lips to him, “Are you sure you’ll be okay to tell everyone tomorrow?” he asks. I found my body moving on its own. He is taking up my bed. He’s getting his scent all over it. I crawl onto my bed and lay over him. He opens his eyes to see me there, smiling up at me. He couldn’t say that he’d smack that and not think my heart and brain would both decide now would be a good idea to confess.

 

Aomine chuckles and pushes me off of him, “Stop messing. Go get changed,” I laugh awkwardly and go into my closet and find a pair of black tights that I love. I pull my jeans off that I’m wearing and then slowly pull my tights on. Aomine watches me as I do so. Pulling on tights were only so elegant and  _ then _ it came to pulling them up past your thighs. It was anything but elegant. He watches as I jump up and down pulling them on and laughs as I do so. He crawls off the bed and stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist.

 

“I’m disappointed a little. I thought you were going to confess that you love me,” The butterflies fly back into my stomach like a goddamn stampede. He laughs softly at my face that must have been bright red by this point. “You’re not going to deny it,” he chuckles and spins me around. I am now facing him, his hands still on my waist.

 

“You’re straight, though,” I mutter out. Aomine shakes his head.

 

“I only have one type. That’s true. I love you and whatever gender you identify with,” My lips crash onto his. The kiss only lasts a few mere seconds. He pulls away and tells me to finish getting ready. I find my purple denim skirt and pull it on over my tights. I pull my shirt off, leaving me bare chested. Aomine’s eyes follow me around the room as I dig into my closet and find a bra that has these fake cups in them that made me look busty. I throw it on and then find my wig that was sitting deep in my closet and push them on afterward, setting it in place so that it couldn’t move.

 

“What do you call yourself?” Aomine asked from my bed. I turned to look at him still in my bra. I find a white jumper that I love and pull it on afterward. Aomine pats his lap and I find myself crawling over to him and sitting on his lap. This isn’t real. I am going to wake up and I would still be this closeted female or I was going to open my eyes and Aomine would be staring at me in disgust, his hand pulled away.

 

“Ryouka,” I say softly. Aomine smiles softly at me then kiss’ my lips. He murmurs my name against my lips and I shiver against him. This could be a great day.

 

“Shall we go out, Ryouka?” he ask me. I nod my head curtly, the words unable to come out of my mouth. I throw on a pair of black boots and we head out. My wig still securely strapped to my head as we walk out. I am trying to naturally let my hair grow out, until then my wig is my best-friend.

 

I lead Aomine into the shopping district in Kanagawa. He holds my hand as we walk around the town. He leads me into a shoe store to buy new basketball shoes. My ones had recently been replaced. I help him find a nice pair, a lot of boys are staring at us.

 

“Dude,” one of the males calls out. We both turn our heads, “She’s a fucking keeper,” he laughs, “Find a girl who knows about basketball. Hope you are banging her,” the guy laughs even harder. I don’t care for his crude language but Aomine lets out a nervous chuckle and wraps his arm around my waist.

 

“Almost every day. Right kitten?” he looks at me. I almost laugh at the pet name kitten, but then I love it at the same time. I feel the need to join in.

 

“Well, it helps when you’re boyfriends fantastic in bed and has a huge co-” Aomine chortles and puts his hand over my mouth. The boy is grinning crazily then walks away. The two of us burst out laughing.

 

“Buy the black Jordans,” I finally say after laughing. My sides hurt a little from laughing so hard. It feels like us, what we had been like during middle school. He is still Aomine and I am still me. I feel so much better after that. Aomine buys the shoes and then we walk down the street, holding hands.

 

“What do you plan on saying tomorrow?” Aomine asks me as we walk into my favourite cosmetic store. I make a B-line for the counter that I had planned on going to. Aomine is somewhat dragged behind as I browse eyeshadows.

 

“What is this?” Aomine asks picking up a powder. He put his finger over it and looks back at it to see his fingers comes away white and shiny. His face changes, looking at the substance in wonder. I walk over to him and take his hand and run it over the top of my cheek bone. He looks at it shocked.

 

“Highlighter,” I explain simply. Aomine just looks at my highlight on my cheek. I dust my hand with the powder and do the other cheek so that I am at least even and with the excess, I touch Aomine’s nose, giving him a shiny nose.

 

He looks at me in wonder, “Did your sisters teach you this?” he asks gesturing to the store. I nod my head, grabbing the palette I had been on the hunt for and make my way to the counter.

 

“Aren’t you that model that did that beauty campaign?” the woman at the desk asks. She hands me the magazine and I nod my head.

 

“I haven’t had much work since then. I really enjoyed that shoot. The boy was cute too,” I grin. He had been, that I couldn’t deny. I buy the palette and we are then walking around the shopping district.

 

“It feels weird. It feels like I can’t make dirty jokes or be myself anymore,” Aomine admits to me. “It feels like I have to be a gentleman around you,” Truthfully, I am thankful for his honesty. I am happy to know that he feels something.

 

“I’m still me. I understand that it can be confusing. Was it makeup shopping?” I ask. It must have been. That was the one place we had gone where it was very different to before. The two of us had always at each others neck, we were always fighting and pushing each other, then when it was just the two of us Aomine would confide in me about his day, telling me how he hated that people calling him a monster. I just offered him an ear. “Listen, I want you to be the same around me. I mean hold the door open for me, but I want you to be the same around me, regardless of how I may dress,” I didn’t want him to change. I didn’t fall in love with that Aomine. I fell in love with him.

 

Aomine and I head back home. He takes me by the hand as I walk into my house. The atmosphere is very much different from before. Before the house had been eerily silence, now I could hear my mother shouting to my sister up the stair. The TV is on, so my dad must be been home. There is the rich smell of cooking in the air. I think my mum is making a pie of some sort.

 

“I’m home,” I say and take off my boots. Aomine kicks off his shoes and we make our way into my bedroom. In my room, Kana is sitting at my desk rummaging through my makeup bag. I scoff as she did so. She’s jealous that she has created a monster. I have all the high-end makeup while my sisters still have mostly drugstore brand.

 

“I just want your Kylie Lips,” she mutters, still hunting for the said product. She stops, looks up to see Aomine standing there awkwardly at the door, our hands entwined.

 

“Oh my gosh!” she screeches and jumps away from my desk and is in my face in less than 0.5 seconds. She is grinning madly at herself. She knew I am madly in love with Aomine. I am happy to see her happy for me.

 

“Are you dating!” she asks staring at our hands. I nod my head nervously. I feel Aomine’s hand tighten and I squeeze his. He may be feeling uncomfortable. It has been a while since he had seen my sister. She let out a scream of joy and I hear the sound of someone running up the stairs and another along the corridor. Suddenly everyone is in my room, staring at us and Aomine is more nervous than before.

 

“Ryoka’s dating Aomine-kun,” she squeals. My mother and father stare in shock for a moment but my other sister, Kyoko let out a squeal and hugs me and then him.

 

“Hi dear, how is your father doing?” my mother asks, patting his back. Aomine responds with he’s doing well thank you and then goes silent. I feel myself get a little agitated with my family. I am kind of wanting peace with Aomine but instead, they decide to interrogate him.

 

“Can you guys just leave us. We came home to watch a movie,” I hiss out and then lead him over to my bed. 

 

“I want this door open young lady. I will not have an attractive man in your bed with doors closed,” my mother tells us and then leaves with the rest of my family, leaving my door wide open. I roll my eyes and take a seat next to Aomine on my bed. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me in close. I put on a movie, a fast pace, action packed one that Aomine and I both bonded over. I want him to see that the person he befriended is still me.

 

I am scared he liked the guy me more than the girl me, my worries disappear when he places a soft kiss on my neck. I let out a little moan as his chin tickles my neck and he works on kissing and sucking on my neck. “No marks,” I warn him, falling onto my back and Aomine crawling on top of me.

My hands are around his neck and he leans down again and crashes his lips to mine. The kiss is deep and passionate and I’m loving every second of it. His hands are in my wig. It stays strong when he grabs it. I accidentally moan into his mouth and he pulls away and gives off this huge grin.

 

“We have an audience,” he mutters. I tilt my head back to see Kyoko and Kana leaning against my door frame, with wicked smiles. I swear sometimes my sisters are the devil's offspring.

 

“No don’t stop on my account,” Kana laughs and Kyoko chuckles at her side.

 

“If you want to keep my lip kit then you better shut the door and don’t tell mum,” I hiss at her. The two run away slamming door shut. Aomine chuckles and leans back down and ours lips brush against each other.

We don’t do much other than kiss. He stays the night, wanting to support me for my interview tomorrow. We talk at night, him asking questions that he’s been too nervous to ask, which I don’t mind. He asks if I am ever going to get any surgeries. I tell him top surgery and to have my adam's apple removed at some point. He gestures to below and I shake my head. I plan on keeping him. He asks if I am taking any pills. I show him the pills that I am taking, these estrogen tablets which I’ve only been using for a few weeks so there hasn’t been any radical changes as yet. My voice has risen a little but I don’t think it’s that noticeable

* * *

The next day comes to quick for my liking and there I am sitting on the chair of one of my favourite hosts. Sitting next to me is my model friends Kiera who knew what I am going to do and is my moral support for my coming out. I can see Aomine just behind the stage, he has his eyes on me and gives me this loving smile. He gives me the strength to go on.

 

“Welcome everyone to Yuka Kanaka’s today's show with your host, me! Yuka Kanaka,” the hosts grins at the cameras and audience members. Yuka is a dark skinned woman with beautiful dark curly hair. I love her show and I know that she will be supporting as she has a son who has gone through the same thing, which is on the down low.

 

“Today is a special episode. Today we have the ever so talented and beautiful Kise Ryota with the just as talented and beautiful, Kiera Megan,” the audience cheers and I wave despite the fact that I cringe when she calls me Ryouta. After today no one would be calling me that and I can change my name officially to Ryouka and get rid of Ryouta for good. I look to Aomine who is giving me a thumbs up and I smile gently. Yuka notices me smiling behind her and turns to see Aomine standing there. He ducks behind the stage, to stay out of view.

 

“He your boyfriend?” she asks gesturing behind me, with her thumb.

 

“Yes, he is,” I smile back at her. I hear audience members gasp. If they see me as a he, then yes, they would see me as gay, but I’m not, hence I don’t mind telling them my boyfriend is backstage.

 

“So guys, Ryouta’s manager phoned me up saying that Kise wanted to tell everyone something. Is it that you’re gay?” she asked gesturing behind her and pointing to Aomine once again. I shake my head.

 

“Not quiet,” I laugh nervously. She eyes me curiously. She must feel nervous as to what I am to say.

 

I take a deep breath, the lead butterflies flying back into my stomach and settling in, “I have been lying to everyone for such a long time and I can’t do it anymore. I had been lying to myself for about a year and I want to move on from this lie and be me completely,” her eyes widen in surprise like she had heard the words coming from her daughter when she said the same thing. She takes my hand and squeezes it. Kiera does the same.

 

“Guys, I love you so much. I love my fans and I will always love them,” I feel my eyes watering. I scrunch them shut. Why do I always cry when I say this? But my heart twists again and another sob escapes my mouth. Kiera puts a hand on my back and rubs soothing circles on my back and whispers into my ear.

 

“You can do it, babe,” I nod and take a deep breath.

 

“I’m transgender. I was born in the wrong body,” behind me there is this screen where my phone is hooked up and I flip through the photos of myself being me. The audience stare in shock and look at the photos that I flick through. There’s a recent one where it’s me and Aomine lying on my bed and we are both smiling into the camera. I love the new photo so much. I have my wig on and he’s smiling and we both look so happy.

 

The crowd is silent till I look up and I see this girl, she comes to all these shows I am on. She re-tweets all my tweets. Likes all my instagram photos. She’s this fan that I never thought much of before, but, she is standing and clapping. She’s the only one. She’s clapping and cheering. Everyone is staring at her.

 

“I love you Kise!” she screams. I stare at her trying to remember her name. Haru. That’s it. I smile at her through my watery eyes.

 

“I love you too, Haru!” I call back. She screams again and more people follow her lead and clap. Another fan that I recognise, Natsume, stands up and she’s proud of me. I say her name and thank her. She goes red in the face and more and more people are standing and cheering my name.

 

“Do you them?” Yuka asked me. “Natsume and Haru?” I shake my head. 

 

“No,” I admit honestly,” I explain that they are fans that re-tweet all my stuff and like all my instagrams. Go to all my showings and generally love me. I tell her that sometimes I do stay up late and look through some of my fans pages. 

 

“Natsume, Haru. Come on down,” Yuka invites them and the two scream and come running down from different directions of the stage and come over and give me a large hug before hugging Yuka and Kiera.

 

“So Ryouta? Can I call you that? What’s your name sweetie?” she asks me and I feel lighter, I feel like me. They are looking at me for the person that I am.

 

“Ryouka. I gave my mum the name back. She picked it. She didn’t want to lose her little boy completely and loved that name,” I explain simply. My parents were always to pick my name, I gave them a chance to pick a name that suited me. I love Ryouka. I hold that name close to my heart.

 

“Well Ryouka, tell me, dear if you want to. Do you plan on getting surgery or anything?” she asks me kindly. I nod my head.

 

“I’m currently on hormone replacement treatment and I will eventually get top surgery,” I explain generally. I wasn’t going into the ins and outs of what to get. Haru is staring at me with complete joy.

 

“So Haru, speaking on everyone’s behalf what do you think of this?” Yuka asks the girl sitting on the couch with me. I know her from liking my stuff. I know that she is about 19 - the same age as me - she is going to Kyoto to study medicine.

 

“I’m delighted. Kise is a beautiful person. He’s- She’s!” She stops and looks at me with apologetic eyes. I tell her it’s okay “She’s always been honest and loving and supporting of everyone else. I will support her to the ends of the earth. I’m happy if she is,” Haru smiled at me and I reached out and took her hand. She is my favourite out of all the fans.

 

“Alright, time for a quick break and we’ll be back with Kise Ryouka,” everyone cheers loudly and Yuka smiles until the camera’s turn off and her face falls hard. She stands up and looks at me before opening her arms and I walk into them.

 

“Oh sweetie,” she mumbles, rubbing my arms up and down. I hear screams and look around to see Aomine approaching me with a big smile and his arms wide open. I run into his arms and he holds me close.

 

“Well done, kitten,” he whispers into my ear. I feel so happy. I am me. He lifts my chin and gives me a deep and long kiss. I melt into his touch. I am comforted by him. I introduce him to the people on the stage, Haru, and Natsume grinning with the words ‘I knew it’ I could still feel the butterflies in my stomach but I didn’t care, Aomine is beside me and he accepts me and that is the only thing that I ever wanted.   
  



End file.
